needing forgiveness...

I forgive myself

for believing it was all my fault -

and would always be that way -

I forgive myself

for not believing I had the right to say 'NO' -

but then, I was just a kid -

I forgive myself

for believing that I had to suffer so that others wouldn't -

believing it was too late for me -

I forgive myself

for believing I was not worth being protected -

not like other kids -

I forgive myself

for not seeing where God was when those men chose to abuse me -

for not knowing he didn't also choose it for me -

I forgive myself

for believing I couldn't question God -

for allowing others to have their way with me when it didn't feel right -

and for being confused -

for believing it would always be this way -

I forgive myself

for believing I needed to protect and care for others at my own expense -

that it somehow was my lot in life -

but after all, 

I was just a kid, 

needing all kinds of forgiveness myself